I can't give up
by ebilniinja
Summary: Belphegor is dead, and Chikusa is angstyyy.


How bothersome. Why should I--... Why should I visit a grave without an offering? I could just forget about him and never visit again. It was also a pain having to travel so far just to see it. His grave was all the way back in Italy. I mean, I could just continue to be the cold, lifeless creature I am. I could... Why did he die? Why did he leave me hanging and return my life to the nothing it was before I met him? I'm not allowed to hate him, but the black organ inside my chest wants to.

He's just dead. That's all. No big deal, right?

"Kakipii. Let's go." Ken. Through the years, I decided to keep him. I had to keep him for Mukuro-sama's sake. We were just friends, no matter what happened. Nothing more. I missed /him/ far too strongly. Besides, I didn't like Ken that much.

We returned home together. We shared a small apartment now that I wasn't living in the family-fit house I used to live in. He was house broken anyway. I couldn't leave him on the streets, even if he was a dog. Truthfully, I didn't invite him. He just let himself in.

I remember when I used to share a home with--

It was already night time, for we had left from work. We were still in Japan, awaiting Mukuro-sama and protecting Chrome. It was the same as the beginning. Empty.

Whatever. I was quick to go to bed. It was late, and I just really didn't care to stay up any later. Leaving Ken to do whatever he needed, I climbed into my own bed.

I shut my eyes.

I was ready for another day of little to no sleep. My insomnia had started after he died. I didn't care too much. Troublesome, yes, but oh well.

For that short time of sleep I did get, I had that short time of a dream. Normally, my dreams would either be pointless or I just wouldn't have one. This time it was different.

"_Hey, Chikusa." He ran his fingers through his blond hair and laughed the way he did. _

This man had not been in my dreams for some time now.

_He handed me a black box with a fancy heart inscribed on it in the shape and size of a video tape._

"_Remember this." he spoke in a quiet, feminine voice. "I want you to watch it the day I die."_

_I didn't like the way he spoke. I put the box down next to me and cupped his face in my hands. "You won't die. You're a prince, remember?"_

"_Princes must retire someday. Or think of it as if I'm going on a business trip!"_

_I smiled just a bit. No one saw this smile except me._

"_I love you." and with that, a kiss._

And with that...

Morning.

I opened my eyes to haze. Pulling on my glasses, I sat up in disbelief. The man I wanted to forget about returned into my mind. How lovely. He wasn't the first thing in my mind after I woke up, but that tape. It looked familiar, but I was never told to watch it after the other's death.

The clock wrote 4:46am. Ken was still asleep. I went into the other room to find just what my dream spoke about. And there it was, a little black box. Inside, a tape. But this was the tape of their first dance at the makeshift wedding type of event they had. It was about promising to a long life together. I popped it into the old tape player and off went the scenes of betrayal.

I was just that moment, too. The lie itself.

"Chikusa..." The old television set sounded, "You won't ever leave me, will you?"

The old couple slowly danced together in the moonlight.

The taller softly replied, his grip tightening around the other's waist, "Never."

"I won't ever leave you either. Is that okay?"

"Yeah," The music stopped, and so did their movement,"Perfect." The two's lips met again.

The screen went black. Was that really all they had recorded of that night? Either way, it was something that opened old wounds. I missed that dearly, but it was something I couldn't admit. So why did a dream want me to see that? Was it a sign of the bottled emotions inside me? Was it telling me something? Did it mean--

Something returned to the screen. The same blond from before, but a different day. The date in the corner read the day before the boy's murder.

"I died tomorrow, didn't I? That's why you're watching this." The camera was fixed on the upper part of his body.

"Do you hate me for lying to you? I never told you about the job I had tomorrow. How I could have died. I just went off and did it... And died." The sadness in his face and voice were entirely visible. All he was saying was true. I was completely unaware of the dangers he faced, and that he might not have returned.

I didn't even get to say goodbye.

My wet cheeks went unnoticed. I didn't even notice his. I pressed my forehead against the screen, and tried to touch him. Oh, how I wanted to touch him. His face remained on the screen for a while more. His painful face. After maybe and hour, it was stopped. It returned to their night together, just off of where it was before.

"You'll love me forever, too? No matter what?"

"Of course, prince."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Before I knew it, Ken was beside me, comforting me. I guess he heard the television from the other room. Either that, or me murmuring regrets to myself. I didn't care. I still loved him. I couldn't hate him, no matter how much I wanted to. The couple that could never be again continued their night together.


End file.
